Thursday, January 31, 2008


Reality has powdered her hands, spun us around, and bitchslapped the hell outta us! Two married couples came over for dinner last Saturday, one with a four month old, the other with an almost two year old. One minute I'm in the living room looking for child-friendly dvds to play for the toddler. The next I'm on the floor in the dining room being grateful it has carpet so the four month old can have a floor to play on without hurting himself. Soon my husband and I will add one more child to the group. Good god, when did this happen?

So now that we've wiped some of the powder off our faces, Reality comes back to shake us by our shoulders. Have I told you about my double digit college debt, and credit card debt, and my portion of medical insurance premium I have to pay cuz I'm part-time? Yeah...
I have to go on maternity leave. This is, of course, a 12 week unpaid leave. I can't afford to not have income, yet the thought of going to work after three months makes me angry- I'd like more time at home. I've come to terms with the fact that I will probably be working until the week I'm supposed to give birth so that I can use those 12 weeks more post-partum than pre-partum. Sure I'd love the time to be at home enjoying my last weeks of pregnancy without dealing with these fuckers at work, but that's a luxury a woman in debt simply cannot afford.

People at work ask me how I'm doing and I tell them "I'm wishing I were rich." What I really wish is that I had a fucking trust fund. I don't want to be rich, I want to be independently wealthy right now, working because it gives me something to do, not because my very existence depends on it. I want that cushion of dinero that lets me sit at home with the baby for six months or a year. But is my lot in life right now to be a 28 year old college graduate, working in the non-profit sector part-time (in the arts, no less!), in debt, with a baby on the way.

But I must put this into perspective. I am 28. I am a college graduate, working in the non-profit sector (in a museum, how prestigious!) that provides health insurance, with a baby on the way. I have a roof over my head, a spouse who helps keep that roof over my head, and a job where I can spend way too much time updating all of you on my pregnancy. There are women and men who are in much worse predicaments than I am...

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