Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Tell/Don't Tell

I attended a staff meeting yesterday, at the conclusion of which a co-worker offered a public congratulations to me on my pregnancy. My response? Not "thank you", because why would I be so gracious? I said: "Oh, whatever." She went on to explain that women are rarely congratulated on this event. The director of administration stops her and asks: "Wait, is she pregnant? Oh, are you? I didn't know." Here's me, again: "That's because I hadn't told you!"

Why am I so obnoxious? Because it's really none of your business that I am pregnant until I tell you, that's why. I work at a very small organization, and people seem to think we're a family. Some of my coworkers thinks it's written in the contract that we have to share personal information.
Example: a male co-worker insisted that I was pregnant. I looked him right in his face and said no because I wasn't ready to tell. Frankly I wasn't sleeping with him, he's not my boss, what business is it of his? Then when I couldn't hide it any more, he gloats in his omniscience, and tells me not to be mad at him because on the continent where he was raised, men love to see pregnant women. I said: "If you men had to carry babies I bet you wouldn't be so happy then, would you?" Now I was "speaking in parables", he replied and he didn't understand what I was saying.

"Shut the fuck up", unfortunately, was not the translation I could give him, since we were at work. But he definitely understood, because he doesn't talk much to me anymore LOL

People seem to think that because you look pregnant everyone deserves to know if it's true. Look at Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez. They look pregnant, but they've made no announcements, and I can't blame them. I'm not related to them, it's really none of my business.

Now I have people pulling me out of the way of dollies, not letting me perform certain duties at work that are not unsafe, all because they are concerned for my fetus' safety. I've been outed to the HR director before I'm ready to do it myself by a woman who thought she was being nice. All because I'm showing and figured there was no point in lying if I was asked anymore.

If you're not ready to tell people who are not your friends or family, don't. There's no law saying you have to divulge this info. When you do and they ask why you didn't say anything sooner, use my answer: "I figure if we're not friends, it's none of your business." Sometimes parables don't work :-D

Quick Update

The results of the Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 screening tests are extremely low odds, which means there's a very good chance the child will have neither disease.
Someone asked me to clarify.

The children's chewable vitamins are going pretty well. Good lord they are tasty! The purple one is a little sour for my taste, and I have to remind myself they are vitamins not candy. My body thanks me for switching from that prenatal pill.

My water intake is admittedly not what it should be. I know I'm supposed to drink 8-10 glasses a day, and good for the rest of you who drink that and more. There's an awards banquet being held in your honor somewhere...

I, on the other hand, am like a camel. I can go for months without anything more than a glass a day, or every other day. I know it's "bad" for you, our bodies are 85% water, blah blah blah. But I don't like the taste of water. And I'd just like to say right now I am not asking for your advice on what I should do to make it taste better. As I write this I have a 24 oz bottle of water with lemon in it. It still doesn't taste good. It's just one of those things I will have to do. Leave me alone.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Part 1: Back from the doctor Part 2: Lady Problems

Part 1
Allo, Allo!

When I went in for the ultrasound two weeks ago I also had to give blood to determine the likelyhood of the baby having Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21) or Trisomy 18, which is more rare and potentially fatal. (It's a standard screening test for all pregnant women.) At my checkup today the doctor said the baby has a 1 in 7800 chance of being born with Down Syndrome, and a 1 in 10,000 of being born with Trisomy 18.
So if any of you play the numbers and you win, remember me ;-)

The fetus has survived to its second trimester, and we heard its heartbeat in the office without the ultrasound machine. The doc says it's a strong heartbeat. It sounds like a tap tap tap tap (it's very reassuring to know its still alive in there). I'm not gaining much weight, but I suspect there'll be plenty of time for me to blow up! If doc is not concerned, I'm cool.

Flu season is upon us. I am not a fan of needles. I think getting the flu shot is unnecessary since I'm not elderly or have a low immune system. But because I'm pregnant the doctor ordered me to get one. She also warned me that next checkup (in four weeks) I give more blood to test for spina bifida.

At this point if you're one who is uncomfortable with conversations about bodily functions, you may go now. I promised my friends I'd be honest but not graphic about the goings-on of my pregnancy. See ya :-D

Part 2
I complained about the prenatal vitamins I was prescribed today. I don't care that they're big assed pills (so if you can't swallow pills you may want to warn your OB about that, if and when the time comes).

They made it difficult to have BMs. I would feel like I had to go, only to sit for five minutes or more for these dark little pebbles to pass. (So maybe that's a little graphic, but everybody poops, and I'm about to spend the next two years looking at someone else's poo!)
It's the extra iron they put in, I guess my body needed time to adjust. That annoyed me because I didn't have that problem when I took a multi-vitamin with iron! It wasn't really constipation, but close.

Books suggest eating lots of fiber. My mom suggested drinking milk and eating applesause. None of those worked for me.

Should this difficult BM thing happen to you when you take the vitamin I would say be patient with yourself in the bathroom. Don't force anything out because the strain may cause hemroids. If it takes you ten minutes to go, then it takes you ten minutes to go. I did read in a book that you should use this opportunity to practice pushing because the difficulty making BM is not unlike pushing the baby out. So I waited until I felt like the poo was coming, bared down, and pushed steadily, not hard. Hey, you asked for the details, don't get mad at me! Thank God, no hemroids yet.

I complained once about the BMs and the doc gave me a stool softener, which I didn't take. Then as I started to get the all day sickness I couldn't take the vitamins. I had to wait a half hour before eating, or two or three hours after eating, couldn't lay down after taking the pill. General bullshit I didn't have the patience for. The doc gave me two options: restart the vitamins in one month, or take children's chewable vitamins.

Of course I bought a bottle of the chewables! I'm so excited :-D I'll let you know how that goes.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Seriously now, the boring stuff

I'm fine. The fetus is fine. We had the first ultrasound two weeks ago. There's a heartbeat and it was swimming around and putting its tiny hand in front of its face. I'm thirteen weeks along, took a blood test to screen for Down Syndrome two weeks ago, and no calls yet. No news is good news. And yes, it's much too early to know the sex. If it cooperates we may find out in December, but these things are never 100% accurate.

No cravings, just steady nausea, and susceptability to certain commercials, like IHOP and Dunkin Donuts. I really do have an aversion to water, but I find that if I let it get icy I can tolerate it. I get up between 4:30 and 6:00 am to eat, usually cold cereal or Cream of Wheat. I eat, watch the Simpsons, and fall back asleep. Thankfully I work part time, so I can stroll into work at noon and still put in a whopping five hour work day.

And yes, that man really did call my husband, my unborn child, and me devils. I covered the baby's earbuds though I think the amniotic fluids did a great job of shushing him out. When we got home I congratulated the little fetus on surviving its first instance of racism, in utero. Say what you want about me and my husband. We're adults. But leave our child alone
You're never too young to learn there are bullies and racists in the world, I suppose.

My "Morning" Sickness, Explained

A friend suggested I start a blog for updates about my first pregnancy. I have a feeling this post is not what she had in mind.

The pregancy bible and the old hens said that if I hadn't felt sick to my stomach by now (six or seven weeks), I wouldn't. I started feeling nauseated pretty late in the first trimester (about nine weeks), and it usually lasts all day. At first I thought that it was because I was moving too fast, or not eating enough. Even watching water swishing in a bowl I'm washing triggers a good dry heave.

Yesterday a wise man explained this late onslaught of nausea to me in one sentence: I am carrying the devil's child. Actually what he said was: "You're the devil, you're f**cking a devil, and your baby's gonna be a devil."

My husband may be insensitive at times and a whiny baby other times (love you!), but certainly not the devil. Ask anyone who knows him! (Now me, I'm Hell on Wheels and proudly admit it!)
So how does the walking Oracle of Broad and Chesnut Streets know we're devils? My husband's white, I'm black. We're a couple of demons roaming the earth in search of other souls to recruit and later devour in the final bid to win the miscegenation war.

Eureka! I've sold my uterus to Satan and inside me grows Beelzebub.
Hence the constant dry-heaving, aversion to water, and low-grade nausea. It's not the extra hormones surging through my body, I was foolish to think that was the reason. But if I am the devil my own kind can't make me sick, right? Maybe the good Negroid genes inside me are waging war to protect me from the evil Caucasoid genes in an in utero fight for good and evil.

At this point I did what any self respecting devil would do- blew the seer a deadly kiss and watched his eyes bulge and ooze from their sockets. My husband encapsulated the oozings in a silver vile he keeps on his neck. The vile's in the freezer- we must add it to the baby's first bottle, or else he will never know the sweet nectar of evil, which we devils need to survive.