Wednesday, December 5, 2007

This Ham Sandwich Tastes Like Crap

And it pains me to say that because I LOVE HAM!!! It's leftovers from Turkey Day. I think it may be the American cheese on the sandwich compromising its integrity. It's all thick and fake tasting, but it didn't taste like that on the last sandwich I had. That's the story of my life, I tell ya.

Anyhoo- the turkey is half-cooked. I am 20 weeks, 3 days along. My stomach is round, the baby is moving, and the pants I bought in the beginning of this endeavor are not fitting so well anymore.

The other thing that's happening, which I haven't shared, is that I am having dreams. Violent, morbid dreams. One dream involved me watching a documentary entitled "Great Executions of the 20th Century." Another dream was another documentary of a man who wanted his last moments to be filmed. It was like a five minute film, which started with him telling the camera a joke, and cutting to quick flashes of him dying, which was extremely painful, with a narrative running over it, and ending with dirt being thrown on the camera, I assume in what was the man's grave. No, I don't think I'm going to die during childbirth.

I told a friend about this phenomenon, who is a mother of four children, and she says it's because I am in pain. I figure it's that, or I am mentally preparing myself for the pain of childbirth. No, I'm pretty sure these types of dreams are not symptomatic of every pregnancy. But Jeesum Crow, it's unsettling.

Do I have anything happy to report, you ask? I told you the baby's moving, didn't I? Be grateful I wasn't the one committing any of the murders in these dreams, and that you weren't my victim. Enjoy those little morsels of happiness.

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