Week 18 Appointment

Whoever is in there is alive and well. The heartbeat is steady, I am still measuring where I should be. My weight is holding steady, which is normal and fine. My midwife gave me the script for the ultrasound, which I will try to schedule over the weekend if I can, and by Monday at the latest. I forgot to mention that I wanted the genetic testing, and she forgot to ask if I wanted it, so we're not doing it.

My midwife asked if I had any questions, and I didn't really. Only I had to tell her about the big family vacation we're taking in July, about two weeks after my due date. She said "That's cutting it close." Her only concern is the post-partum bleeding. If I'm overactive, my flow will be also. Fortunately we will be in a big house, and Tallu will be surrounded by her cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. This would, in theory, allow me to lay around and relax in the days after childbirth.

I also mentioned that I am starting to ponder what happens to Tallu during childbirth. The birthplace welcomes siblings, but requires a chaperone for the older siblings. If we do want her present at the birth, we have to decide who her caregiver will be during that time. Hospitals have different policies, so we'd have to have a contingency plan, in the event that I have to have the baby in the hospital.

Tallu has been in the exam room for every prenatal appointment. When I had to give blood again she was sitting on the floor playing with a puzzle. I realize seeing Mom get stuck with a needle (or not) is different from hearing Mom moan and sing her way through labor. I have to find books out there to prepare her for the event, and also be prepared for the fact that she may not want to be around when it happens.

My doula/Tallu's madrina now lives in the Southwest, where she is in midwifery school. Oh, if she were here, problem solved! My husband and she could trade places taking care of me and Tallu. But I cannot focus on 'if only.' I am halfway through gestation, so I'm glad I'm thinking of all these details now.

Week 14 Appointment

Happy New Year!

The 14 week appointment was quick. The heart's still beating, the fundus is where it should be. Unfortunately there was something wrong with one of the vials of blood sent to the lab (a count was off), so I had to have more blood drawn. I also confirmed that my midwife is expecting a baby, which was very exciting news! Her due date is a day after Tallu's birthday, and I suggested she should have her shower in about two weeks, so she's guaranteed to make it there.

I'm still very nauseated. But I also feel the baby's movement, not unheard of so early in second pregnancies. Tonight my husband could feel it, too, which he enjoyed.

The next appointment will bring two things: a script for an ultrasound, and our decision to submit to prenatal genetic testing. It'll be nice to see whoever is inside. People are asking if we know what we're having and will we find out. We don't know yet, but I think we will find out. The more difficult question to answer is: will I submit to the testing? I say if there are abnormalities in results I'd still have the baby, so why take the tests. I did the testing last time, but I don't recall it being presented as a choice. My mom and husband say it's better to have the time to prepare ourselves should we need to. Odds are I will take the tests, but it's nice to have the extra time to think. I have to give my midwife an answer at next month's exam because these tests are time-sensitive.

Tallu is enjoying going to "the doctor's house" to play with toys and listen to the baby's heartbeat. We have a few books about the new baby in the house and becoming a big sister. The best part is that I've put her ultrasound pictures in one of the books, so she can see what she looked like inside her mommy's belly. She likes that very much. We're going to put together a Tallulah baby picture book, at least that's what her dad said last night.

That's all for now...

The Second Time Around

I'm pregnant. Yes, this was a planned second. I know I've said in previous posts that I was not ready for number two. This is still true, but we had to be realistic about this. If we really do want two children, I should do this while I am in stay at home mode, while Tallulah and number two will be close enough in age, and before I get myself into grad school and back to the paid working world.

I hit the twelve week mark last Thursday, and heard the baby's heartbeat on November 30.

Daddy-to-be again and Big-Sister-to-be were in the examining room when my midwife heard the heartbeat, so the family heard it together. Tallu knows what's happening, but I don't make a big deal about it. I want us to enjoy these moments of three-dom, because it's not going to last much longer.

I'm nauseated and tired, but instead of having to leave the house for work, I get to do this with Tallu as my boss. The upside to being a pregnant stay at home mom is the bed and bathroom are so very close by, and no one is going to ask me why I'm going to the bathroom so much.

In fact, when I do find myself in the bathroom longer than I expected, I get free entertainment. Tallu has taken to rubbing her stomach, saying "My tummy feels funny. I have to go do something in my potty." Then she runs to her potty and starts to mimic me. I told her madrina (godmother) that it's hard to not to laugh and hurl at the same time, but I do make a mental note to enjoy my daughter's expression of sympathy.

How am I feeling otherwise? A little scared- I don't want to have gestational diabetes again. Not terribly excited to go through labor and delivery again. A bit worried at being able to care for another little human being. Yet grateful that we were able to conceive, and grateful for the tiredness and nausea, because I know that so far, everything is alright in there.

We have not taken any ultrasounds yet, and are opting out of genetic testing this time around. The ultrasound can wait until the 20 week visit, and I'd have the baby regardless of any test results. Although I am too nauseated and tired to be demonstratively happy, it is comforting to know that the people we've told are excited by the news. (And if they're not, they've wisely kept their dismay to themselves.)

Merry Christmas!

(and no, it would not be at all inappropriate to start a "Will she make it to her due date?" pool. The estimated date is June 23.)

"I'm scared of my poopies!"

The potty training is on a steady pace, but the poopies are a problem.

Last night, Tallu fell asleep on my bed in the early evening. I tried to put a diaper on her while she slept, and roused her from slumber. I transferred her to her bed, where she remained awake, whiney, and on all fours. Then that familiar smell hit my nose, and I felt the bottom of her diaper. She had a funky boulder in there. After much coaxing I was able to remove the diaper, and she gave me her usual refrain: " AAAAH! I'm scared of the poopies!"

It's incredibly frustrating to me. She will announce that she has to pee and does it. I can see in her facial cues that she has to poop. She nows whines, holds her butt, and probably sucks it back in. She would rather poop in her diaper and stay in it for hours than make a deposit in the potty. (She once spent half a day in a poopy diaper because she refused to let me change it. I figured, fuck it, maybe she'll get so sick of wallowing in her own filth she'll choose the potty next time. WRONG!)

By many accounts I choose to believe, pooping on the potty is a big hurdle. Children being scared of it is common. I read somewhere that because it's solid, to a child it may feel like part of the body is falling out. A change in diet may help. Of course, my child would need to eat, and it's so hard to tell what the devil she will want to eat from minute to minute. I need to find fiber-rich and stool softening foods that will promote healthy, softer poopies.

I feel for her and her little butt. We had a little chat today about the source of the fear of poopies (it smells bad, and it hurts her stomach and her little butt, she says). I confessed that sometimes it hurts me too, but I feel so much better getting them out, and so will she! I reminded her that animals poop in the forest, so we can pretend that her potty is the forest. There are frogs and turtles on the potty seat. I'm hoping that pretend game will work...

With that having been said, Tallu asked to wear panties when we went out for breakfast last Saturday. She used the public toilet and had no accidents. Yesterday she woke up with a dry diaper and used her potty. I had errands to run in the morning and she did not pee in the diaper while we were out, she used the toilet again. So there are definitely steps in the right direction!

Hi Boobies!

It's been almost six months since Tallu and I stopped nursing. We're still adjusting. First, I had to explain that the milkies were empty, so they are mommy's boobies now (again). It was easy for her to take "they're empty" for an answer, though there were occasions where she'd tried. It would only last a second or two, but my mind and body immediately repelled such attempts, as though we had never nursed!

Tallu gets glimpses of the boobies-formerly-known-as-milkies, and wants to touch them. I refuse, but I tell her she can say hi. She waves to my chest and says "Hi, boobies!" Or I'll ask if she wants the boobies to give her a hug, and I'll give her an extra squeezy hug. No doubt she remembers nursing rather fondly, and I do, too. I always wondered if she was getting enough, if we were going on for too long, if she would ever stop. She was getting comfort and nourishment, it went for as long as she needed it to, and yes, she stopped nursing.

It would be so helpful to nursing mothers to receive encouragement and support for this decision. You may think that nursing a toddler who can say "I want booby" is too old. You're allowed to your opinion, but that's when you press the Interior Monologue button. You may see a mother nursing her infant on a park bench, shirt up, "shame" be damned. Babies need to eat, and they don't care that they're in the park. Keep walking, and let that mother care for her child. You'll be glad when that same baby is sleeping soundly, not wailing for dear life on the train. If your family is unfamiliar with nursing, there's no better way to introduce them to it by not hiding. My aunt, who recoiled dramatically and hilariously the first time I nursed Tallu, praised me for nursing her great-aunt/godchild for so long when I told her we were finished.

Mission accomplished!

A Pot(ty) To Piss In

Sure the title is crass, but at least she's peeing more often in the potty or the toilet than on our wood floors or rugs. The last time she peed on the floor was last week, when she walked past the potty (which sits just outside the bathroom door) to pee on the floor on my side of the bed. I took it as a sign of aggression, and let her know how upset I was. It's kind of hard to be patient when one minute she's running to the potty, and in the next pouring forth a puddle on my bedroom floor. I have to remind myself, like Grover sings in "Elmo's Potty Time" that "Accidents happen, and that's okay."

Bladder control is something I take for granted, but I haven't worn a diaper in, what, twenty-eight years? It must be very difficult to move from literally peeing where you stand to a multi-step process: recognize the tingle in your bladder, contract muscles, go to the toilet, pull down underwear, sit on toilet, release. Let's not even talk about pooping...well...I'll just say that I've had to pick up Tallu and race to the potty, posterior in the air, to save myself from picking up her deuce from her bedroom floor.

Here's how I'm making the process easier on both of us. Tallu is butt naked during her waking hours, and there are two potties in the house: one in the living room (Al Bundy's dream), and the upstairs one. (When I was a kid my yellow and white potty sat just outside the bathroom door, which was great because I could "go potty" even if the bathroom was occupied.) Why butt naked? Pure laziness- I am saving myself laundry because we don't have an electric drier.

Here's how I'm making the process harder on both of us. I haven't given her real world experience. In other words, she hasn't left the house without wearing a diaper. If we're on the train and she's gotta pee, and we're twenty minutes from our destination, what am I supposed to do? I was trained to pee in the street, between the cars if we were too far away from a bathroom. (It was New York in the 80's, what can I say?) My mom told me that when I was about three I told her I had to go to the bathroom while we were out, so she took me between some cars. She was horrified when I started pooping!

I wish I had answers, but this is one of those real-world lab exercises for which no one can give me the answers. I'm not claiming my toddler to be potty-trained, as I see this will be a long process. We are working on it, one pee-pee dance at a time.

Listening and Dancing to (Live) Music is AWESOME!

Tallu went to the PhillyBloco show at World Cafe Live last Saturday night. Her dad and I really wanted to see this show, as we know the band members, but hemmed and hawed about going. Going out would mean buying tickets and paying a sitter...until we saw the words "All ages show" on the flyer.... so we called our friend, who sold us tickets and generously put Tallu on the guestlist. (We would've had to buy a ticket for her, too, which still would've been cheaper than a sitter. But our friend thought it was silly for a two year old to have to pay full price. Yes, we thanked him very much!) The door staff were really sweet to Tallu, taking her ticket and giving her a blue wristband (underage), as we got our red wristbands (Caipirinhas, here we come!) No attitude, no admonishments, just "enjoy the show!"


This isn't the first time she's seen PhillyBloco perform. I think the first time she was still pretty young, but we've always had her wear her famous pink headphones, which reduce the decible levels without muting the music. We're not idiots, and her father attends OSHA trainings for work, so there's no way she could get in without those headphones.

PhillyBloco was at their best that night, but the highlight for me came after the show was over. We're milling around with the band, when a stranger approaches me to say: "She did really well! I've been in childcare for 18 years, and I am telling you, I am impressed!"

I thanked this woman for the compliment, explaining we've been taking her to class with us for almost her entire life. The lady then tells me about her five year old grandson, who loves the water, and how much she encourages his love of water. We had a great conversation, and I, of course, encouraged her to buy some headphones and bring her grandson to the next show!

Concerts, libraries, restaurants, museums...all places children "should not go." Why not? Why can't Tallu listen to good music and see people of all ages dancing together? What's wrong with my child eating escargot with her parents and grandparents for lunch? Does it disturb you that she's pointing out colors in a Bearden collage? Look, I'm not saying kids deserve to be everywhere, all the time. But if we want children to respect and appreciate art, music, good food, life as we know it, we have to be the first teachers. Go have fun, everybody!

The next PhillyBloco show is Oct. 30. We're leaving the kid home, though. Sometimes it's worth paying for a sitter :-D