So Very Tired

I have done a pretty good job of keeping this pregnancy off my Facebook page, so if you are reading this post I'm going to be whining and complaining here. It'll be brief.

Why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to take Tallu to Princeton's campus today, with no stroller? The thought of spring-like weather and my husband working at an intern fair was the opportunity of a lifetime. Shouldn't really complain, though. We got good exercise, Tallu was recruited by a member of Princeton's Juggling Club, and she got college intern fair schwag! It's 7:40pm, and my back is killing me! We are at my husband's office, killing time before we drive home so the drive replaces the bedtime routine.

Tomorrow, Tallu will have a fun day in "Phillydelphia" with her grandmaman, while her dad and I try to clean up our very messy house. I'm just sorry tomorrow it will be a breezy 40 degrees for them, but they'll be indoors at the Please Touch.

Patience Has Its Rewards

The ultrasound appointment on Monday was excruciating. I had to drink 32 oz of water an hour before the appointment, and I was not allowed to let it out until after the ultrasound. My appointment was at 12:45, I didn't get into the lab room until nearly 1:30.

I could not sit while I waited. Tallu's dad kept her occupied while I filled out paperwork and willed myself to resist the urge to run to the bathroom. I told the intake lady I was in for a pregnancy ultrasound and really had to use the bathroom. When we finished our exchange she told me to tell the lab people that I was "very full," and they'd know what to do. She also asked me to tell her the results of the ultrasound.

"Very full" is like "abracadabra!" I still had to wait for those who had appointments before me, but the lab receptionist relayed my message, and a tech hustled me into the room. This lady was cordial, but cut right to business. She explained that she had to get lots of measurements, and my bladder had to be full to get the best images of the baby. She also wasn't going to do a lot of talking, and she'd let me see the screen when she got every image she needed. The tech was swift and sympathetic. We bonded over the cruelty of making a pregnant woman drink so much water and hold it in while a stranger puts warm liquid on the belly and presses right on the bladder. She also turned the screen so I could see what was happening inside, and shared the sex of the baby as soon as she saw it, after asking if I wanted to know.

I told her my husband and daughter were in the waiting room, and they'd be excited when I told them the news. She asked for Tallu's age, which is much younger than what the hospital allows into the exam room. The tech asked about my daughter's temperament, and I said she was a calm child who's been to all my prenatal appointments. I was allowed a bathroom break; the rest of my family was waiting in the exam room when I returned. They were able to see the baby in real time on the screen, moving around. Big Sis was excited, and said the baby was cute. The tech talked us through the pictures she was taking now, how far along I am, and that my due date is two days earlier than estimated. She also, very casually, pointed out the baby's legs and sex organs. Once Tallu's dad realized what she was saying he explained who we were looking at on the screen to Tallu.

The tech printed three pictures for us: two profile pictures, and the baby's hand grabbing at his penis. We, the parents, requested that last print-out.

What's New with Tallu- 2011 Edition

It's been a long time since I've updated you on all things Tallu. In this issue we will discuss:

Potty training regression
Christmas Day at Home
"My Babies"
Bedtime Ritual

Potty Training Regression
We were doing so well until Thanksgiving. We did a bit of traveling for the holiday, Tallu had a nasty cold, and all that training went down the drain. She went from going to the potty of her own volition, to having to be told several times a day "It's time for you to sit on the potty." I went back to letting her go without a diaper. Bad choice: I was deep in the nauseated phase of the first trimester, and the last thing I needed was to bend over and clean that mess. So I made Tallu do it. I told her if she insisted on peeing and pooping on the floor, she had to clean up the mess. Tim's grandfather, a retired Colonel in the US Army and father of three, approved of my decision.

I did a huge clean-up of our living room just before Christmas, which included throwing away our rug. She had peed on it so much I felt like it wouldn't do to have her bathroom under our feet. She has not returned to going on her own, and I'm annoyed that I have to tell her five times a day to sit on the potty. But the times where I haven't said anything she hasn't made it to the potty.

Christmas Day at Home
We will have been in our home for two years at the end of this month. Christmas Day 2010 was our first Christmas at home. We overslept and missed church, but Tallu ran into our bedroom around 11, asking if she could open her presents now. The gate at the top of the stairs was open, so by the time I got downstairs she had already opened a gift! Her dad missed it, too, because he went to get doughnuts for breakfast. It was so peaceful and fun, hanging in our house, in our PJs, watching our kid scream with delight over every single gift. The gifts from Mom and Dad came from Santa, and her grandparents, uncle and aunt, and godparents mailed gifts, which Tallul said Santa brought her. We let Santa take the credit for our gifts, but not the others.

"My Babies"
Tallu's grandmama and papa gave her play furniture for her Bitty Baby: stroller, playpen, and activity mat for Christmas. A friend of our family gave Tallu a baby that takes a bottle and pacifier and makes sounds when you take them away before its finished. Tallu puts them down for naps, gives the baby her bottle and pacifier, and says "It's okay, baby." She's declared that she's their mommy. At first I didn't know what to make of the baby furniture, but it should be pretty handy. While I am taking care of the brother or sister, Tallu can take care of her babies!

Bedtime Ritual
Tallu has made a game of escaping her room after tuck-in. She'll open her door, run to our room, run to my side of the bed, climbing up as she insists "I can't sleep." Her dad has taken to being up at the door when he hears her feet hit the floor in her room, yet she always manages to slip by him. I've pretty much handed him the bedtime ritual, because during the week this is the only time they see each other during the day. He's not amused by her antics, and I must support his sternness, but I secretly enjoy her escape attempts for two reasons: 1- I get to lay in bed during all of it, and 2- I get to think it's as cute as it is because I don't have to do anything about it. Except say "Did Daddy say get back to bed? Then, good night, Tallulah!"

Week 18 Appointment

Whoever is in there is alive and well. The heartbeat is steady, I am still measuring where I should be. My weight is holding steady, which is normal and fine. My midwife gave me the script for the ultrasound, which I will try to schedule over the weekend if I can, and by Monday at the latest. I forgot to mention that I wanted the genetic testing, and she forgot to ask if I wanted it, so we're not doing it.

My midwife asked if I had any questions, and I didn't really. Only I had to tell her about the big family vacation we're taking in July, about two weeks after my due date. She said "That's cutting it close." Her only concern is the post-partum bleeding. If I'm overactive, my flow will be also. Fortunately we will be in a big house, and Tallu will be surrounded by her cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. This would, in theory, allow me to lay around and relax in the days after childbirth.

I also mentioned that I am starting to ponder what happens to Tallu during childbirth. The birthplace welcomes siblings, but requires a chaperone for the older siblings. If we do want her present at the birth, we have to decide who her caregiver will be during that time. Hospitals have different policies, so we'd have to have a contingency plan, in the event that I have to have the baby in the hospital.

Tallu has been in the exam room for every prenatal appointment. When I had to give blood again she was sitting on the floor playing with a puzzle. I realize seeing Mom get stuck with a needle (or not) is different from hearing Mom moan and sing her way through labor. I have to find books out there to prepare her for the event, and also be prepared for the fact that she may not want to be around when it happens.

My doula/Tallu's madrina now lives in the Southwest, where she is in midwifery school. Oh, if she were here, problem solved! My husband and she could trade places taking care of me and Tallu. But I cannot focus on 'if only.' I am halfway through gestation, so I'm glad I'm thinking of all these details now.

Week 14 Appointment

Happy New Year!

The 14 week appointment was quick. The heart's still beating, the fundus is where it should be. Unfortunately there was something wrong with one of the vials of blood sent to the lab (a count was off), so I had to have more blood drawn. I also confirmed that my midwife is expecting a baby, which was very exciting news! Her due date is a day after Tallu's birthday, and I suggested she should have her shower in about two weeks, so she's guaranteed to make it there.

I'm still very nauseated. But I also feel the baby's movement, not unheard of so early in second pregnancies. Tonight my husband could feel it, too, which he enjoyed.

The next appointment will bring two things: a script for an ultrasound, and our decision to submit to prenatal genetic testing. It'll be nice to see whoever is inside. People are asking if we know what we're having and will we find out. We don't know yet, but I think we will find out. The more difficult question to answer is: will I submit to the testing? I say if there are abnormalities in results I'd still have the baby, so why take the tests. I did the testing last time, but I don't recall it being presented as a choice. My mom and husband say it's better to have the time to prepare ourselves should we need to. Odds are I will take the tests, but it's nice to have the extra time to think. I have to give my midwife an answer at next month's exam because these tests are time-sensitive.

Tallu is enjoying going to "the doctor's house" to play with toys and listen to the baby's heartbeat. We have a few books about the new baby in the house and becoming a big sister. The best part is that I've put her ultrasound pictures in one of the books, so she can see what she looked like inside her mommy's belly. She likes that very much. We're going to put together a Tallulah baby picture book, at least that's what her dad said last night.

That's all for now...

The Second Time Around

I'm pregnant. Yes, this was a planned second. I know I've said in previous posts that I was not ready for number two. This is still true, but we had to be realistic about this. If we really do want two children, I should do this while I am in stay at home mode, while Tallulah and number two will be close enough in age, and before I get myself into grad school and back to the paid working world.

I hit the twelve week mark last Thursday, and heard the baby's heartbeat on November 30.

Daddy-to-be again and Big-Sister-to-be were in the examining room when my midwife heard the heartbeat, so the family heard it together. Tallu knows what's happening, but I don't make a big deal about it. I want us to enjoy these moments of three-dom, because it's not going to last much longer.

I'm nauseated and tired, but instead of having to leave the house for work, I get to do this with Tallu as my boss. The upside to being a pregnant stay at home mom is the bed and bathroom are so very close by, and no one is going to ask me why I'm going to the bathroom so much.

In fact, when I do find myself in the bathroom longer than I expected, I get free entertainment. Tallu has taken to rubbing her stomach, saying "My tummy feels funny. I have to go do something in my potty." Then she runs to her potty and starts to mimic me. I told her madrina (godmother) that it's hard to not to laugh and hurl at the same time, but I do make a mental note to enjoy my daughter's expression of sympathy.

How am I feeling otherwise? A little scared- I don't want to have gestational diabetes again. Not terribly excited to go through labor and delivery again. A bit worried at being able to care for another little human being. Yet grateful that we were able to conceive, and grateful for the tiredness and nausea, because I know that so far, everything is alright in there.

We have not taken any ultrasounds yet, and are opting out of genetic testing this time around. The ultrasound can wait until the 20 week visit, and I'd have the baby regardless of any test results. Although I am too nauseated and tired to be demonstratively happy, it is comforting to know that the people we've told are excited by the news. (And if they're not, they've wisely kept their dismay to themselves.)

Merry Christmas!

(and no, it would not be at all inappropriate to start a "Will she make it to her due date?" pool. The estimated date is June 23.)

"I'm scared of my poopies!"

The potty training is on a steady pace, but the poopies are a problem.

Last night, Tallu fell asleep on my bed in the early evening. I tried to put a diaper on her while she slept, and roused her from slumber. I transferred her to her bed, where she remained awake, whiney, and on all fours. Then that familiar smell hit my nose, and I felt the bottom of her diaper. She had a funky boulder in there. After much coaxing I was able to remove the diaper, and she gave me her usual refrain: " AAAAH! I'm scared of the poopies!"

It's incredibly frustrating to me. She will announce that she has to pee and does it. I can see in her facial cues that she has to poop. She nows whines, holds her butt, and probably sucks it back in. She would rather poop in her diaper and stay in it for hours than make a deposit in the potty. (She once spent half a day in a poopy diaper because she refused to let me change it. I figured, fuck it, maybe she'll get so sick of wallowing in her own filth she'll choose the potty next time. WRONG!)

By many accounts I choose to believe, pooping on the potty is a big hurdle. Children being scared of it is common. I read somewhere that because it's solid, to a child it may feel like part of the body is falling out. A change in diet may help. Of course, my child would need to eat, and it's so hard to tell what the devil she will want to eat from minute to minute. I need to find fiber-rich and stool softening foods that will promote healthy, softer poopies.

I feel for her and her little butt. We had a little chat today about the source of the fear of poopies (it smells bad, and it hurts her stomach and her little butt, she says). I confessed that sometimes it hurts me too, but I feel so much better getting them out, and so will she! I reminded her that animals poop in the forest, so we can pretend that her potty is the forest. There are frogs and turtles on the potty seat. I'm hoping that pretend game will work...

With that having been said, Tallu asked to wear panties when we went out for breakfast last Saturday. She used the public toilet and had no accidents. Yesterday she woke up with a dry diaper and used her potty. I had errands to run in the morning and she did not pee in the diaper while we were out, she used the toilet again. So there are definitely steps in the right direction!